Weekend Playlist: 10 Lies Record Collectors Tell Their Partners
When it comes to addiction, the first step is admitting you have a problem. So here it goes…my name is Dave…and…I’m addicted to vinyl.
My wife understands my condition. She’s very supportive. But still, even my wife’s support has its limits.
Honesty is essential to a strong relationship. But as an addict, I also recognize that we each have our own idea of what constitutes a healthy amount of vinyl. You and your partner may differ on this matter.
I don’t encourage lying, but I do encourage selective conflict avoidance. So here—presented in David Letterman countdown style—are a few handy fiblets for the next time you're caught red-handed with another square-shaped mail delivery.
Top Ten Lies Record Collectors Tell Their Partners
I pre-ordered this months ago. It finally showed up today.
That’s just the sticker price. I actually paid way less.
This is the first record I’ve gotten in months.
This is the last record I'll buy for months.
I paid for this with money I made selling other records
I’m planning to sell it for twice what I paid.
This is a gift for a friend I've not yet met.
A $200 Whitney Houston record!? That’s crazy. The mailman clearly made a mistake. I'm returning this immediately. *whispers to record “My Preciousssssss.”
This isn’t a record. It’s a Laserdisc. Laserdisc is back. Did you know Laserdisc is back?
I didn’t buy that. Drunk me bought that.
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This was all just a long and roundabout way of introducing a weekend playlist about that ever more elusive thing called truth.
I’ve used a few of those myself.